we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
We are two peas in an std pod
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
