Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Randomize
