TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
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