At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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