Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
