So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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