and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
