Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
