To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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