omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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