please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
