I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
