After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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