I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
