There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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