You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
We had sex on a dog bed..
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
