Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
