I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Randomize
