i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
