I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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