Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
