Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Randomize
