Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
