drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
