I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
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