the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I use my feet as sexual weapons
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
