People in love make me want to vomit
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
