then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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