I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
sarcasm needs its own font
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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