he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Found the puke drawer
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
