I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
there is glitter all over my balls
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
