His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
