u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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