I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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