you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Randomize
