does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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