Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
