You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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