I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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