I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
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