I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
