I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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