I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
