I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I look better un-naked...
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Randomize
