Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
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