Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
