Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
