His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
