3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize
