so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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